I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
