Moan for me like Helen Keller
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
