You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
