Kiss
Puke
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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