I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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