I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You are the jesus of drinking
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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