Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
