I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
