omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
