she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
