I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
