I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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