I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
