In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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