Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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