My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
