remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
