is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
