dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
