I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
