He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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