From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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