She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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