You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
