For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
