everyone is single if you try hard enough
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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