Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
