Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
