Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
