69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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