i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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