She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
