I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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