I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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