just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
