At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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