i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
