I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
