dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
