I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
