The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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