oh god the rape fog is back!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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