Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
There are leaves in my underwear?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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