I am full of burrito and curiosity
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
