Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
