I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
