"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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