That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
