john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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