its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
