She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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